WHO AM I

13 Feb 2020 Admin









Who am i




Om asked himself many a times that as he was born on 11th May 1962, his parents must have conceived him sometimes around august 1961 but where was he before that. What was he before that and in what state was he before he was conceived. He had a deep desire to know and experience that statehood. 




It is as if there were true identity crises.


Is it that what ever he thought of himself was just his illusion?


His name, his growing up, his personal, social and professional life and his so called success and his fame needed to be relooked at. His very existence in this life needed to be reinvestigated from a very objective perspective. 




He was at this cosmic crossing as if the whole of cosmic intelligence had been working silently since the beginning for this moment and for this questions to be triggered within his self. Deep within he knew it is now or never with in this lifetime. To reclaim that statehood and to abide in it became the very purpose of Om. 




Illusions needed to be unmasked to experience illumination of his true self and for that he found it necessary to relive his life once again…




Life the way it unfolded:


Om was born into Brahmin family, though his family was regular meat eater except on Mondays, Tuesdays and on full moon days. His childhood memories goes as back as when he was around three year old when he along with his younger brother, his parents and both grandparents went for a few months religious tour in his father ambassador car. Though he has not gone back to same places again, the memories of those days always remained fresh in his mind till date. Somewhere it had a great impact on him, he still remembers taking a dip in ganga, crossing laxman jhoola, cooking rice in boiling waters kunds of jwala devi temple, going to different forts, taking a dip in the sea in Puri and pasting pure ghee on the conical shivalinga of kedharnath to name a few. His grandfather too was a very religious person and he remembers himself having his own small pooja niche whenever there used to be navratri poojas. For children in his extended family religious times were more of fun and celebrations and hence they became part of his life.  It was more of a play rather that religious commands. He does not remember his father ever forcing him to go to temples though his mother use to force him and he always resisted. He was more of a freedom-loving child and hence he became a rebel. With these as his basic nature he started growing up year on year. 




He was considered dumb in school and remained a backbencher till he finished his tenth. Not so good-looking he was ridiculed every now and then. All these had its psychological impact on him and he turned out to be a shy person with low self-esteem. The only silver lining was that he loved to paint and was good in sports and deep within he knew that life had something great to offer him and he is here to live a truly significant life. 




After finishing his basic education he left his family and friends and travelled thousands of miles to the other end of his country for higher education.  Through different struggles and hardships he completed his professional education and settled down in south. Hard works started paying, as his hobby became his profession. Touching excellence in his professional activities helped him establish soon and paved his way to get married. By the year he was 32 he was blessed with two loving daughters. As the eldest son of the family he was taking all the possible responsibilities for the well being of his brothers and sisters and supporting his parents. Professionally life was like a roller coaster ride but heart to heart personally and socially he was not truly happy, peaceful and contended person. There were many missing links and he had no idea of their causes and missing blanks were very obvious.  




 Om wondered many a time, how could I be so, so different in behavior in different situations and family circumstances. How could it be so, that with few I could behave so lovingly and few with so much of hatred and rejection. When sanity returned Om could never believe that he could ever behave like that. His work was the saving grace for him and something, which gave a bit of meaning to his life. Except professional life, all else was in disarray.  


Paradigm shift was waiting:


It is said when student is ripe the teacher arrives.  That is what happened with Om and his teacher entered into his life on September 5th 1993.  That 12 hour One Day Attitudinal Seminar was like a whack on his head. Roaring voice of his teacher left deep impressions into his mind 


You are what you think you are, your thoughts can make you or break you.


Your attitude is nothing but the quality and direction of your thought process with which you react to the world. 


Luck is nothing but the meeting point of your alertness and all the opportunities passing by.


God is rest is not.


God made man in HIS own image.


Om got closely associated with his teacher, became part of growth oriented leadership movement, social commitments, Sunday satsang and spiritual retreats. That is where Om started becoming aware of the reason and purpose of life, his responsibilities towards the world at large, art of prayers and meditation and most importantly the science of GOD.  


OM took years of different scriptural readings, intense prayers and deep mediations to get some fogginess cleared and at that moment through his professional assignment he came across the most beautiful smile and powerful eyes he had ever seen in his life. Om had to go through all these experiences from the age of three, travel thousands of kilometers away from the place of his birth to know the answers to the questions he had asked himself so many times. Maharishi Sri Ramana had made it into a simple question ’’ WHO AM I’’ and he got hooked to it. 


WHO AM I:


It is time to look back very objectively to negate what I may not be in order to have a glimpse of what I could be. 


However hard he tried he could not recollect his memories before the age of three, neither about the nine months he spend in his mother’s womb nor before that when he was in non physical state.  Could that I state ever be know and expressed.  


Could I have been different if my name was OSAMA, OBAMA, OSCAR and so on? Could I have been different if I were born in any other cast or religion? Could my I have been different if I were born into a family which read five times namaz, go to Sunday mass in a church, worship fire Gods, Teerthankaras, Buddha or so on. 


 Possibly my growing up experiences, as child could have been different and the way I further lived my life. But how could my essence called I be different… I am not OM but my name is OM. I am not my name, neither my religion and nor my cast. 


How should it matter to OM if he was better looking and smart instead of being dumb and ugly, as he was known as a child?


Could his sense of I be less if he were born with physical challenges where he could not speak, see, hear or walk. His life could have been with full of physical, mental and emotional challenges though his spirit called I could have ever been complete. Could it matter if he were she or just third gender? 


 Do not the lives of great men and women who touched their excellence in spite of all the physical, mental and emotional challenges inspire us to believe that we are much beyond our physical and metal planes. Our spirit is unbound and ever free and is coded with infinite possibilities and creativity.


Quality of our thought structure and our attitudes towards life as a whole certainly shall make each one of us experience life diametrically different. It shall make or break our lives but could it be that our spirits and fundamental essence be same. 


No unknown can ever be known by just another unknown; only through the known it can ever be known.  


‘’ DOWN WITH NAMES, DOWN WITH FORMS’’ that is what his master was shouting   while explaining the essence of every creation in the nature. 


Podium is no podium it is just its name,


Beyond wood it is just fiber and water,


Carbon, hydrogen or oxygen aren’t they still names,


Go deeper and world calls them electrons


Neutrons, protons or bosons try going further


What could one find other then what keeps them vibrating, 


Shouldn’t it hold true to everything around seen or otherwise


Om is no Om it is just its name, substrata of all is the same.




As OM was sitting at the Samadhi of Maharishi Ramana and contemplating over ‘’WHO AM I’’, he could listen to his internal thoughts.


However smallest the magnet may be crushed into, 


IT shall always remain a magnet.


However tiniest finite I may be of the infinite,


 infinite I shall always be.


From you I shall breath in and to you breath out I shall, 


as a wave rises and falls back into the sea.


Wave is the manifestation of the sea,


 So I shall ever emerge and merge unto thee.


The other day Om was doing his morning exercises, while back being bend backward and after counting twenty he does not remember anything. When he became aware he noticed that he was fallen flat on his back. For next two days his back, neck and shoulders were in bad pain. He must have fallen with a bang yet he was not aware of it. His body, mind, intellect and all his senses were absolutely absent as long as he was unconscious but that something, which made him ticking was still there, though it is beyond his memory to explain and express. It became very obvious that the essence of OM is way outside all his senses too. 


He got up slowly as he regained his consciousness, drank some water, took bath and went straight to his prayers and meditation. In normal course it could have been a matter of worry and fear but beyond any comprehension Om felt a certain kind of calmness and peace within. Soon he felt connected to the source and felt centered within. 


In THAT centeredness there is a kind of ONENESS where there is no duality, no conflict and everything around seems so very connected.  


For no obvious wordly reason there is a sense of bliss which is rarely experienced otherwise.


It is as if THAT peace, joy, bliss and happiness is the true nature of OM. Off late he feels so tangibly connected with everything and every being around him and that make it so easy to have empathy towards everything. It is like strings being attached.  All seems to be closely connected. Cast, creed, gender, color, religion, cultures and nationalities all seem so purposeless in the center of this ETERNAL HEART of OM. 


‘’Could THAT ever be known which is other then one’s awareness?’’


                                                                                                                Sri Ramana 


However hard Om may try to express he may fail to do so as these are very personal experiences