Father’s role in a child’s life
Autobiography of The Father
Mangu usually used to have a great time at work and after the end of day he loved to have a good quality time with his family. One day as he entered his house he found that his children had gone to sleep without waiting for him though it was only 7.30 in the evening. He checked with his spouse if all were ok. Hope the health of children is fine, hope they had food before they went to sleep. It was so strange to see both of them sleeping at the same time and so early. Something was not right; he asked his spouse, ‘’ Mama, what happened, what is the matter, why are our loving daughters sleeping so early’’
‘’ They are afraid to face you, I think they have been using too much of Internet, telephone bill has gone too much and hence they are pretending to be sleeping’’
They are afraid to face me for such a trifling was a deep shake and shock to Mangu. He wondered where did he go wrong in being a father he ever loved to be. He had been very conscious about his role as being a father. Some time in 1992 he was introduced to a book called ‘’ THE PROPHET’’ written by Khalil Gibran. He had made very conscious choice to live by one chapter on CHILDREN.
Your children are not you’re your children
They are life’s longing for itself,
They come through your
And not from you…
He wondered, where did he go wrong. As he had to leave for outstation for his work, he packed his food, quietly gave a kiss on the foreheads of his two daughters, said good night and I love you silently within himself, gave a hug to his wife and left. He could not sleep in the train for a long time; he contemplated deep over his role as a father and prayed as if it was a matter of life and death.
Lord, it is not worth being a father
Where my child has such fears of me
I better live not in such a guise of being a father
Wake me up only if you think if I can ever be a complete Father.
He did wake up the next day …
Signal was crystal clear to him that his role and play of being a father was not yet over but rather it had just started re evolving at that moment. There was an awakening and new song of inspiration.
Children must ever live in freedom
Freedom from fear and conditionings
Conditionings of cast creed and religion
Religion if must let it be of unconditional love
With these inspirations mangu made a very conscious choice to let his children live in freedom and love, in order for them to live their life to the hilt but with complete sense of responsibility. He had to model the roles, which he needed to play with his children then on.
The child is the father of man.
Knowingly or unknowingly one starts imbibing the virtues of being a parent during the process of growing up as a child. As a child one may not have any say in how his or her parents bring them up. The way child is treated during it’s growing up years leave a deep impact on the psychology of a child. Sometimes in the name of discipline children are beaten up physically, emotionally tortured and ridiculed. Erasing of these deep scares could be a prolonged process.
Behavioral impressions through emotional weakness or strengths , self-esteem or ego, abusive language or loving communications starts molding the personality of the child.
Conditionings start setting and if they are allowed to rule unquestioned even during the adulthood then psychology of parent in the making can remain flawed and incomplete.
Similarly schooling, childhood friend, teachers, extended families and society at large do have a deep psychological effect and its role in molding of a father in one way or the other. Choice is ever ours if we want these life experiences to build or break the parent in us.
Continue to live with self pity can be a choice and choice could also be made to let go of the growing up negative emotions and experiences in order to be ready as a person of self esteem, self acceptance and self love for one to be the father.
Letter penned down to loving daughters:
My dear daughters
As a child I heard so many times that I am an ugly looking child, don’t know if people told it as a joke or what, those scars of ridicule were very deep. In school too I was not a bright student, hence another mental pressure. Only thing I could do was play as much as possible and paint. I was good in sports and reasonably good in art.
Being the eldest child of six siblings, I had to carry responsibilities of being the eldest and I did what ever I was asked to do even as a child. My mother was too busy taking care of big family of ours and also the joint family we were living in. My father had to work too hard to take care of the big family. He took good care of us and also of his parents, brothers and sisters. He was a great role model and most of me what I am, is what I saw in him. He always gave me the space and freedom to lead my life the way I thought was right.
But as he was too busy making two ends meet, we rarely spent much time with him. We mostly saw him on Sundays when he will take my mother for movies or when he took us to some temples and some time to nearby hill stations. Those are the few beautiful memories I have of my childhood. He gave me the best school, he provided me with tuitions too, and I know it was tough for him financially but he wanted to give his best and he gave.
In spite of that I was a bad student and always a backbencher till I finished my 10th. It was a struggle but right from my childhood I always had a faith that I will live a great life. I refused to live a life of mediocrity and poverty, which I saw around me.
But as a child I longed for love and I missed it. I still wonder when people celebrate mother’s day and go gaga over it. Without going much into details just to respect my mother, after all I am born only through her (I have let go all my pains, ridicules, hatred as it was damaging me the most). I always felt being wanted, loved and cared for.
As a consequence who ever spoke good to me, I felt very happy, appreciated and loved. As I had missed love in my childhood I felt attracted towards girls, there was always a deep desire to be with pretty looking girls. I got attracted to few girls in my growing up process and one relationship worth mentioning could be of one girl called Anita, she was daughter of my father’s business partner. She was pretty (compared to me) but six months elder. After a long time while I was doing my professional studies, when I told her about my intentions to marry her, she rejected. I was rejected again but we kept our friendship together as it always felt good to be with someone who likes and appreciates you. The need to be accepted was very deep.
Like this I got attracted to at least 5 girls, thinking it as love. As destiny had it, I saw your mother and in one look I decided to marry her. She had to go through lot of typical Indian marriage masala problems; some of them were very serious. Some times your pa also did not behave in a nice and honest manner. Your mother went through lot of mental depressions and many times because of me too. If there were any other woman, I am sure she would have left me long back. May be GOD did not want me to break and may be she is the only person in my life who TRULY ever loved me, she taught me what is true love.
However the outcome of our marriage was that you were born through us. I was in love with you the very moment I saw you. I decided I would pour each and every cell of mine to make you a wonderful human being and that I will do by being so myself first. Whatever love I missed as a child I wanted to pass on to you. I tried my best to be a good role model but sometimes knowingly or unknowingly I might have harmed you emotionally, for that let me say I am extremely very sorry. I mean it from my heart. Last but not the least please keep it in your mind that I will ever stand by you no matter what and I trust you from core of my self.
Now you have grown into very charming, loving and successful women. It is a matter of time you shall find your man and live your life in a grand and loving manner. You have a great future as GOD has given great talent to both of you and what you do with that talent will be your gift to GOD.
Your man must be a person of integrity, compassion, love and the one who shall give you all the freedom to excel in your career. In other words that man must be a man of respect, care, responsibility and unconditional love. Your life is very precious and divine and it must be fulfilled by doing something, which only you are created to do. This world must be better place to live in because you are here. This is the true living. This is the way to live a life of excellence and significance.
I have only one deep desire and that is that you must get a man who shall love you million times we as parent could love you. That is my intense prayer and I have faith in prayers. You being very pretty and awesome, you need to be careful. Many boys would love to propose you. You must remain calm, think clear and know for sure if you can live your life truly with this person. That person must be the bundle of pure love and he must accept you for what you are. He must accept you with your good and with your bad. The person must be a man of character, integrity, honesty and a successful man.
Coming back to my life what I missed as a child, I have got and have got in abundance. TRUE love, a mothers love, I am getting from mama…no wonder from where I got the desire and calling to become mangu… today I am a healed person totally from all my past wounds and living a true life.
Thanks for being part of my life and god bless you with all the joys of beautiful life.
With all my love
Ultimate challenge: Mother releases one ovum and in rare cases more then one but father releases millions of sperms out of which only one can penetrate the ovum. By the time pregnancy tests positive child is already few weeks in the making. Father has no role in deciding which one sperm out of millions will start the life formation in mother’s womb. Certainly there was the role and play of infinite creative intelligence in doing so. Shouldn’t fathers every role in child’s life just reflect that purity and divinity through his thoughts, speech and every action.